Borderline Personality Disorder - Not a forsaken issue anymore!

In the past few years, borderline personality disorder has emerged as the "hot" mental illness. It's undoubtedly relevant now that Amber Heard has the condition, according to Johnny Depp's hired therapist (based on speculation and rather sloppy).

Hi, my name is Divya, and my daughter's name is Aarushi. I call her Aaru. She also had BPD. This is our tale. 

The condition is primarily misunderstood.

Like others, we had a happy family until she left home for higher studies. I was shattered as she was my everything. When we met last, she was in a haze of alcohol, impulse, and debauchery.

Initially, things were great in her college. She was amusing, quirky, and adorable. She had a childhood passion for music. Soon she started having emotional issues with her chosen profession and friends. She began to argue.

Four months in, I had my hands complete.

She dropped a bombshell on me at dinner. She said, "I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder a year ago." Then she said she hadn't been taking any medications for a year. I convinced her to see a doctor. Surprisingly, she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (a second doctor later confirmed this diagnosis).

I'd never heard of the illness. I was shocked when I looked at the symptoms. They perfectly described what was happening. Aaru's case was severe (and not indicative of all cases). Starting therapy was something I instinctually felt was right at the time.

Fear of abandonment

We had terrible fights, worse than I've ever had with anyone. I would get so confused by her sudden hostility. It went from zero to 100 and never felt justified. At her worst, she displayed this odd version of "switching." She'd shout, "I hate you! Get out!" Then, as I stood up to get my things, she'd pivot and say, "N-n-n-no, don't leave, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Emotional instability is a signature symptom. But it doesn't mean instability in the traditional sense. Instability usually means that patients are walloped by their emotions. When things were good with Aaru, things were great, as good as any relationship could be. Our time together was flowery and full of joy. She was angelic. She made me feel like the most loved mother in the world.

However, this threat of explosion always lurked. Therapy revealed this reactiveness is often because of avoidance strategies. She would look for ways around any negative emotion. Treatment involves getting patients to feel and experience emotions rather than letting them bottle up and explode.

Black and white thinking

Friends are often the best person in the world or a backstabbing soulless traitor.

Aaru got obsessed with some new friends. She'd always talk about them like they were reunited, twins. It got to the point where I had to ask her to stop talking about them so much. Then, something would happen. That friend would be cut out completely, or she'd stop talking to Aaru. Aaru often conjured up conspiracy theories about people not liking her. She said these friends were talking wrong about her behind her back or making plans and deliberately cutting her out of them. I felt like I was always working to bring her back down to Earth.

Deep insecurity and self-esteem issues

We'd be sitting in a living room on a peaceful afternoon, and she'd start asking, "Why are you acting so weird?"

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You are being so weird."

"No, I'm reading a book."

Five minutes later.

"Stop acting so weird. What's wrong."

Literally, nothing was wrong. She'd poke me for an hour like this until I'd flip out.

The sad irony is that her fear of abandonment was the very thing that pushed everyone away.

If a person asks you if you love them like a broken record, you'll eventually be forced to ask yourself the same question.

The cause of the disorder

It's not a condition I'd wish on anyone. Treatment is highly challenging and requires a team of professionals. The causes are often abuse, neglect (in childhood especially), and other genetic factors. She was drawn to chaos and more trauma. She was always in search of something that could never be found.

Breakups tend to be monstrously chaotic.

The fear of abandonment, combined with impulsiveness, anger, and neuroticism (vulnerability to negative emotions), makes breakups the stuff of nightmares. Breaking up with someone is a form of rejection. It's you telling a person you don't want them. This touches the nuclear core of someone with BPD. They'll react aggressively or pleadingly to fix things. Sometimes both. There is also an untapped resentment that builds up. Borderline patients are often extreme people pleasers.

When things are good, they'll do everything they can to make you feel like the most loved boyfriend in the world. Sometimes, they'll change who they are for you (even if that is the opposite of what you want). And when things don't work out, they'll unleash this massive tsunami of resentment that was waiting like a volcano. Aaru had this mindset that she was unwanted because of her breakup. Her anger towards me, and her friends, was a defensive mechanism to protect herself from being hurt again. She went through absolute hell in her relationships.

Lastly, people with BPD face a vast stigma.

BPD is becoming the flag illness of "the crazy girlfriend/wife/ daughter," which isn't fair because the disease also affects men but manifests differently.

The stigma is partial because you only hear about outlier cases — like the one I just shared. Many people with borderline live good, fruitful lives. However, they have to put tremendous work into themselves and get better. Sadly, Aaru's life hasn't gone well. She's fallen into substance abuse and has struggled to continue studying. It magnified her symptoms (the volatility), and she refused to do therapy or take her medications, which was the final straw.

Her Therapist Recommended Reading this Poem — & it healed her esteem to some extent.

I received an email with a poem from her called, How I Became a Warrior by Jeff Foster. This poem transfixed her. It made her tear up and reconstruct her self-esteem. She probably felt vulnerable with the word warrior women". Here's the poem.

how I became a warrior

Once, I ran from fear, so fear controlled me.

Until I learned to hold fear like a newborn.

Listen to it, but not give in.

Honor it, but not worship it.

Fear could not stop me anymore.

I walked with courage into the storm.

I still have fear,

but it does not have me.

Once, I was ashamed of who I was.

I invited shame into my heart.

I let it burn.

It told me, "I am only trying

to protect your vulnerability."

I thanked shame dearly

and stepped into life anyway,

unashamed, with shame as a lover.

Once, I had great sadness

buried deep inside.

I invited it to come out and play.

I wept oceans. My tear ducts ran dry.

And I found joy right there.

Right at the core of my sorrow.

It was heartbreak that taught me how to love.

Once, I had anxiety.

A mind that wouldn't stop.

Thoughts that wouldn't be silent.

So I stopped trying to silence them.

And I dropped out of the mind,

and into the Earth.

Into the mud.

Where I was held strong

like a tree, unshakeable, safe.

Once, anger burned in the depths.

I called anger into the light of myself.

I felt its shocking power.

I let my heart pound and my blood boil.

Listened to it, finally.

And it screamed, "Respect yourself fiercely now!".

"Speak your truth with passion!".

"Say no when you mean no!".

"Walk your path with courage!".

"Let no one speak for you!"

Anger became an honest friend.

A truthful guide.

A beautiful wild child.

Once, loneliness cut deep.

I tried to distract and numb myself.

Ran to people and places and things.

Even pretended I was "happy."

But soon, I could not run anymore.

And I tumbled into the heart of loneliness.

And I died and was reborn

into an exquisite solitude and stillness.

That connected me to all things.

So I was not lonely, but alone with All Life.

My heart is One with all other hearts.

Once, I ran from difficult feelings.

Now, they are my advisors, confidants, friends,

and they all have a home in me,

and they all belong and have dignity.

I am sensitive, soft, fragile,

my arms wrapped around all my inner children.

And in my sensitivity, power.

In my fragility, an unshakeable Presence.

In the depths of my wounds,

in what I had named "darkness"

I found a blazing Light

that guides me now in battle.

I became a warrior

when I turned towards myself.

And started listening.

~ poem, written by Jeff Foster

I wasn't prepared for it, but the universe knew what I was lacking!

Part 1: Pre-marriage anxiety

My marriage was a super shock for me. A rollercoaster of emotions that people would never believe in! 

As a girl who hates responsibilities, cannot stay at home for long, doesn't really like cooking, and wakes up late and messes up the room, I was sure my marriage wouldn't last long. I have always been outspoken and straightforward, which doesn't go well in a joint family. Moreover, I knew that the feminist in me couldn't adjust to a patriarchial environment no matter how hard I try!

I'd always thought that being single for life would be the best for me because I didn't want any disturbance in my lifestyle or affect my freedom. I wasn't ready for the marriage and couldn't be prepared. I wasn't willing to leave my comfort zone, restrict myself, or compromise my career. Moreover, I have always been a giving person in my relationships, but some failed relations broke me terribly. Being a self-centered person who could never compromise, I knew I would get stuck and end up choking myself in turmoil called responsibility. 

Well, not everything goes as per plan. Let me tell you how it went.

It was a lockdown, and we had to vacate the hostel. I was happy inside as I got non-vegetarian food at home, which I usually don't get in the hostel. I booked the tickets and went home happily. There was a different feeling this time. One of my friends texted me, "it seems like you are going forever; I feel you won't return to the hostel," and I kept thinking about his text. I reached there on 19th January, and by 24th January I was informed that I am getting married on 11th of next month. Literally after 15 days!! 

Everyone was excited, and I had no option of backing off. I knew nothing about that man I was about to marry. I didn't even know his name correctly. I sometimes felt anxious, and it took me multiple days to console myself.

07-02-22. It was tilak day, and the wedding functions formally started. I could already feel changes in me, emotional, behavioral, and whatnot! It wasn't easy.

11-02-22. I hadn't slept for 4 consecutive days and hadn't eaten properly for long. I was nervous. It was a bunch of emotions I was feeling at the same time. In the evening, at 10 o'clock, when I walked down the aisle, I saw him for the first time. I was literally shivering when he asked for my hand while walking through the stairs (he was nervous too). Our very first eye contact happened on the stage itself. I saw him smiling, though I knew he had the same confusion and questions as mine.

I was looking at things with a constant thought that this was not what I wanted and not how I wanted, and he was not the one I wanted. I tried to run away but I couldn't! With every ritual, I felt like drowning and coming out, again and again, struggling for every breath. At a point, I got numb, it just went with the flow, and I couldn't do anything for myself. 

So finally, the functions were completed, and we married (I slept in between the rituals). I had to go to his home and accept everything I was about to have. Damn! It was difficult. I felt like living my most haunted dream. I wanted to come out of it and breathe deeply. Anyway, I had to face everything with darkness all around. I saw everyone clapping and enjoying while I was shouting silently, and helplessly.

Well, generally, this type of thing ends up being a nightmare, but in my case, this was the beginning of a journey that ultimately came out to be very beautiful. 

Part 2: Post-marriage changes

I entered this relationship most chaotically, with 100s of questions and 1000s of confusion. The very first hour at his home felt like sitting in a room full of people with a blank stare and not a single thought in head but hearing everything going on around and being too exhausted to respond to any of it or climb the staircase with no end or hating skin for no reason or what not!

After a few helpless stares, I asked him if he wanted to marry or if he was pressured. As he said he wasn't prepared too, I was relieved. I then had a series of questions, and the one doubt both of us constantly had was, can we make it to the end, or we will get separated soon? Well, after a week, we got our answers. 

On the 10th day, I had to return to my hostel to complete my study. I thought I would be delighted to return to my everyday life, but that was not the case. This stranger, who happens to be my husband, made so much effort that I couldn't resist giving him a chance. He is sweet; he came out to be super caring, lovable, and understanding too. We gave it a try, and it worked. I had thought my marriage would take away everything I had. But on the contrary, it gave me everything I lacked!

It wasn't easy, but we tried to sort it out and promised to continue sorting...! 

I love you, always, forever! 

"Anand Anmol," Thanks for being an excellent partner. 

"Kajal Thareja," Thanks for being so loving and supportive.

"Aryan Khetan," Thanks for being there at odds.

"Siddharth" Thanks for listening to me, always. 

Spiking cases of Revenge Porn in India- An alarm!

Riddhi still gets goosebumps when she recalls the events that happened 7 years ago. She calls her traumatized mind “a grave, where all of her dreams died”. “It was the start of the hell” when she got to know that she was getting posted everywhere, she said. Her father, who was a school teacher, got to see her videos on his student’s cell phone. It was even more embarrassing for her when he told her mum and other family members about the same. For an Indian girl of a conservative family, it was a death bed she was sleeping on. Being beaten, locked, she could not stop crying for days. Her cell phone was seized and was not allowed to meet any of her friends.

Her relatives, neighbors and most of the people around her have seen the videos. The fact that everyone knows how I look without clothes, how I respond and so, is so very embarrassing. Initially, some people could not believe it was her video, but they looked and they were! So many videos of her were available online with millions of views, downloads, and shares. In an orthodox society, she gradually became the talk of the town. Her personal life was not personal anymore, and most of all, she thought it could not be personal ever again. People justifying her body, counting her moles, discussing her lips, abusing her like authority, become the everyday norm. 

Inside, she knew it would never go away! She tried to kill herself, harmed herself multiple times but this could not turn down her video from the internet. Isolating herself was the only option if she continued living. Losing a job, receiving threats for her and her family was not a shocking event at all.

She tried every possible escape, changed her appearance, changed her name, changed her city, but how could she change her fear, the fear to be exposed, the fear of being identified, and the fear of being ashamed about herself. After a couple of years, she decided to go public, to fight with her culprit legally. 

“I used to be ashamed about it, but now when I got my senses, I’m a bit more empowered,” said Riddhi. “I refuse to be silent; I was tired of the assault, the threats. People think it’s OK to say: ‘You shouldn’t have taken the pictures.’ Would you tell a rape victim she shouldn’t have worn a short skirt?

“I’m in a relationship now and if my partner and I are apart and I want to send him a picture, I’ll do it. Telling women not to take a photo isn’t the answer,” she says. “Some women are coerced into it. Others have their pictures taken when they’re asleep or in the shower, without their knowledge. You can end up on deep fake stuff that everyone believes is real. You just don't need to exist to become a victim.” She is still fighting for herself and for women like her.

She continued fighting for 4 years, many times she decided to give up but then the fight of her existence kept on bothering her. 

A game-changing conviction that could shake up a controversial industry- A guilty verdict of a man who happens to be her ex-boyfriend. After 6 years of struggle, ups and downs he got arrested. The police found out that he had posted thousands of nude and sexually exclusive photos of many of his ex-lovers on his website. He said, he enjoys it when nude pictures and videos are splashed across the website, women who ditched him were humiliated miserably. He thought he just gave them a lesson, which was pretty common after the breakup.

Luckily he was taken down in custody following his location. He accepted that the whole idea was to take revenge on ladies who ditched him and moved on. The conviction is a good victory for a very big list of victims who had been stalked but were unable to do anything. Well, her ex was charged and received a six-month suspended sentence. Since this abuse is not categorized as a sex crime, he could not pay the price that he should! India doesn't have any specific laws to deal with revenge porn but various acts like the Indian Penal Code and Information Technology Act have given leverage to the victims who claim justice.

There are thousands of cases like Riddhi, some break down and die, others get used to humiliation, while some fight back.

Hey, lovely Readers, India might take many years for legislation of such laws, but till that humanity can take a stand, we can take a strong stand. The norms might not be able to help the victims but we can! We don't even need to fight her battle, we can simply help by not sharing, not letting anyone share, deleting if we can, and not threatening the victim. Guys, is that very tough? I guess no! Promise me, dear readers, next time you see such pictures or videos, you won't share or discuss at least.

Not everything you lose is a loss

Feminism in India

India has been witnessing feminism movements since the early days. The ban of the Sati system, child marriage, and various political issues like the Involvement of Women in the Quit India movement are some of the examples. The 1917 movement by Sarojini Naidu, for the right to vote to drive the constitution of a committee consisting of 14 women across India was a big milestone in Indian feminism history. From Savitribai Phule to Ishmat Chugtai, outspoken feminists have been living in India for decades. 

If we go back to the ages of Vedas, Draupadi remodeled the notion of monogamy and sati; Sita of motherhood and power; Kali of violence; Puru’s young wife of sexuality; and the bhakta women of marriage and prayers.

The fact that India is one of the 36 countries of the world, where marital rape is legal unless the girl is minor boldly displays how women are oppressed openly in our patriarchal society. Inequality based on gender differences resulted in the difference in female literacy rates being lower at 65.46% than males at 82.14%. Well, it does not end here only. Every day newspapers are filled with the death and suicide of women and also with the death of female foeticide. Women are subjected to acid attack, child marriage, domestic violence, honor killings, abortion, sexual harassment, rape, trafficking is indicative of why India is declared as the most unsafe country for women by Thomson Reuter’s Foundation. In a developing country like India, only 14.5% of women are in Parliament and the maternal mortality being 174/10,000 is not given much attention. The gender pay gap is thought to be normal, we find it everywhere, and we feel this is how it should be.

This indiscrimination particularly alarms women across the country to raise their voices. When women stood strong against these, it was called feminism. It is an act of gaining equivalent opportunities and rights for women over the country. The participation of women in social and political life, their upliftment and empowerment along with dissolving heterogeneity of the society and identification of rights, which have been ignored for a long, was considered as the basic agenda.

Feminism aims at breaking the strong stereotyping in the capabilities and responsibilities of men and women, males are thought of to be more productive and therefore are more educated. Moreover, it is associated with self- reflection, understanding of values, and realization of self-worth. Exploring the roles, and abounding some of the stereotypes, many bring an intellectual trip for women across the country. The #MeToo movement in India, empowered many women, both from India and outside, to expose the men who sexually exploited, harassed, or assaulted other women.

A woman who is distressed by methodical social abuse because of their sex or caste, which is not granted to act willingly, who has been facing oppression while immigrating in jobs or businesses should be subjected to social, moral, economical, cultural, marital as well as individual consciousness for the awareness of their power and identity.

REMEMBER: FEMINISM IS NOT AN ANTI-MEN MOVEMENT

Udaaan aasma tak. Love everyone around!

I always had a soft corner for children, since 2011 when I read an old local newspaper “HINDUSTAN”, which dedicated 2 of its pages to the life of orphan children. On Diwali eve, I got to learn this side of orphanages for the first time. 44 children (19 boys and 25girls) were moved to a different place after the shocking revelation of the pregnancy of a 13 years old girl in Vidyavati Ashram and the orphanage was sealed by The Women and Child welfare committee. There must be more reports like this, I wondered and wished if I could ever help any of the children.

5 years later, when I was about to forget my resolution, suddenly, I met 3 crazy girls, Priya, Pragati, and Nimisha, who were volunteers at Udaan-aasma take (An NGO that works for the betterment of children). Since Priya was my roommate, I got to observe her life very intimately. She was mad for kids. She was very much concerned about their education. The rest ladies also used to work overnight just for one lovely smile of children. At the same time, I got to know GLA University has adopted many of the villages, and the students volunteer to teach and arranging events for the children of nearby villages, who go to government schools. After the college hours, the Udaan club used to teach them, and they even used to dedicate their weekends to going to school, teaching, and playing with them. 

Wow! Incredible. They were actually doing what I just thought. Applause for them.

Influenced by these three lovely girls and their dedicated team, I too decided to be a part of their visit to schools. I got to spend my weekend with those children. They were wonderful. I was so overwhelmed by their innocent smile. They took away my heart! In just two visits, one of the kids insisted me to visit his home and the next day bought some fruits for me.

Suddenly I felt some kind of attachment with kids. They were the happiest children, no worries about expensive toys, there were happy with friends. But due to some unavoidable circumstances, I could not continue with them, probably because I was afraid of getting emotional or maybe due to failure of time management! I could not go there for long, even forget their names and faces, but I miss them, I miss that feeling, I miss that peace, I miss that satisfaction. I wish to be part of that dedicated team again, I wish to go there again; and I wish to meet those kids again….

This blog is incomplete, so was my journey in Udaan. I hope someday I will be able to complete it. There I learned the difference between smile and happiness. You may smile in your life, but to get peace and real happiness, try helping others.

For now, I have a suggestion from Jessica Blaine Smith's diary. She quoted, “Gestures of kindness can change lives- theirs and yours. Say hi to strangers. Be generous whenever possible, generous with your money, your skills, and your time. Spend as much time outside as possible. Eat what is fresh, what is in season, what is local. Find someone who can fix that broken thing. Support local and independent”

Love everyone around!

A man’s insecurities and women’s low confidence always causes loss to society.

It might seem fierce, but I am going to dedicate this blog to several patriarchy rules, I have been questioning for long.

Why most of the men are insecure?

Around a couple of years ago, one of my friends told me she fell for her fellow mate, who was just like any other middle-class guy with a vision. That story was different because of their status difference. Middle-class men and rich girl- seems perfect fiction of a novel. Right? She approached, and eventually, it turned out to be a beautiful relationship. They started meeting and, spending a good time together. Both of them were batch toppers, and probably this is why that was the only couple everybody adored. After the end of the session, the girl told him that she would be going abroad for further studies, but this would not affect their bond. “I would love to continue what we had. We will tie a knot after I get a good job.” She added.

They tried managing everything well, but after some time, they end up separating. Do you know for what reason? After studies, she got a much-paid job almost triple to her man’s salary. He ended up the relationship by saying; she was habitual of living a luxurious life which he cannot afford. You are too high-maintenance for me, you are out of my reach, he sighed. And it was his fault for being so insecure and standoffish around a smart, talented, and loyal woman who could’ve made a fantastic life partner for him. His loss!

So that is the problem. A man is predicted to pay a girl’s bill or ditch her. They are expected to be more educated than his partner. Why can’t she simply contribute half of the amount? Why can’t she be more talented than him? Do you know how this expectation is damaging their mental stability, making them brutal? This is what makes them insecure.

We live in a society where men are expected to be intelligent, strong, earn well, and pay his girl’s shopping and restaurant bills. He is expected to be a superman who rescues people in problem, who should take leads and should never cry. Also, the one who completes the entire outdoor duties and should single out the majority of decisions. But what if a man moves out of the box? What if he is funny, not mature? What if he wants to learn Kathak, not boxing, and what if he is fond of cooking? He is often mocked and given shameful names.

Readers, you can tell me if I am putting the wrong questions.

Imagine a guy who loves helping his mother in household chores, who cries after getting hurt, who is not much strong physically, and sometimes relies on his girl to declare decisions. But will we accept him equally like a tall, muscular, decisive, protective man? Maybe not! That is because we have bordered the features for a man, in which he doesn’t fit well. He needs to change. Really! No, Not at all.

Why do women choose a jerk over a decent man?

Once I met a guy, who was rude, abusive, and uncivilized. I didn't like him at all, but unfortunately, there was no other vacant seat on the bus. Within half an hour he started abusing people loudly. When I asked him to behave he settled for a while. We had some conversation later. At the end of the journey, he was successful in convincing me that he was not bad at all. I may behave weird, but I am open, I may speak badly but I speak the truth. I don't cheat people with a mask, he added. 

When I reached home, I felt yes, he was right. People with soft tones and clean-faced often turn out to be cunning. At least he was not like them, he was straightforward and that is normal, he is a good guy. 

I shared this incident with my friend and what she replied was awaking. She told me that she dated him for this cause only. She liked his sassy, outspoken nature. She was convinced for the same reason for his beautiful heart and rude mouth. But later she came to know that he was a parasite who was feeding on her self-doubt. He made her understand that no smart guy can ever love her and she was not beautiful enough to date a civilized man. He interrupted all her contacts and made her realize she doesn't deserve better.

Many of us noticed man saying than women settle for jerks. Why do men sometimes curse women for not paying heed to so-called “perfect or decent man” Did you ever imagine why this happens?

Why a woman commits the one who insults her and shows himself smarter? She lives with the one who talks about her profession about which he barely knows. She allows man to overpower her and need him for her protection. We often see women working double and still craving for his attention and appreciation, sometimes sacrifices a lot, only to make him happy.

Let me tell you why; because she is not confident of herself. She feels this is the best man she deserved. She feels her opinion doesn’t matter much, and why would a good guy marry her? Take any attractive, sophisticated woman. You don’t see it, but she heads out judgment every single day. She deals with a hundred little paper cuts to her self-esteem and sense of intrinsic worth. Her character becomes the talk of the town.  She is often judged for her short skirt and traits. She is always prepared for being second, eat at last, and please her partner. This is where she fails! 

Probably she needs to wear extra layers of confidence, she needs to stop believing herself a victim. She should disagree if she feels so. Don’t we need to break this patriarchy system of our society which helps these jerks to rule over talented women than them?

Why can’t she pay the electricity bill and he cooks for her? Oh man, why do you need to be best at everything?, Can we respect a girl’s intelligence and education more than her looks?, Can’t we balance this equation of men and women? Can we break this stereotype? Are we the generation of change? Can we accept men, women, and eunuch just as humans? When will we break these stereotypes?

There are thousands of questions like this. Readers, if you have the answers, please let me know.

In the fight with depression, you are not too alone to give up

After a long abusive and scary live-in relationship with Rohan, Radha finally decided to leave. Unfortunately, she did not leave alone; she realized that she was carrying his twins in her womb. Since she is not married yet, she decided to keep it a secret. 

                                           

She withdrew all the ways to the outer world and locked herself in a small home. Days passed according to the calendar but she was still stuck in the past.

It’s been 15 months, she has not slept properly, did not eat healthy either, and could not talk to anyone. Her children are of 6 months and are damn naughty. They never let her take rest or communicate with people. They mostly stay together, even if not, she knew one will shortly follow the other. Sometimes she wonders if she would have never chosen Rohan, she feels restless, tired, alone, and helpless. Days passed in taking care of her boys. Now she is so used to the children around that she feels incomplete without them but when they are with her, she feels the burden and wishes if she could leave them also like she left Rohan. But this was practically not possible!

They used to eat up all the food and still cry because of hunger, sometimes they hit her hard and torture like hell. As they were growing up, she was losing control over them. She gave them everything she had to engage them at home.

I forgot to tell you the names of her boys. The names are depression and anxiety. She never knew they will start eating her like this. She cannot get rid of them. The kids cry constantly, yell loudly, and try to make her feel guilty of not pampering them. They never let her think of her own. The shame of having these unwanted children is the fact; every one among five people in the world is suffering. They feel weak and suicidal. They don’t want to share that they are having 2 monsters in the form of children. Especially when they know they cannot control them. When the children cry, they need to play music loud so that nobody could hear their voice. They put thick, dark curtains to separate them from society’s eye. They are busy worrying about society judging them for having these kids. They keep an eye on children so that they cannot disturb the living of others. They isolate themselves, wanting to be alone with them.

               

                                     

The children soon take over everything in their life; eat up dreams and hopes, making them feel helpless and unwanted. They take up all their time. People who come over, they push them away because they don’t want anybody to see the real, the pathetic side of them. The pain and shame take control of their life. The things they once enjoyed then become pointless. The children ruin their beautiful houses and they still try to hide them from everyone. They don’t want to trouble anybody and this is exactly why they hide. Lastly, they finish their life to finish their suffering.

Well, Radha too tried to take up her life but luckily she failed. She just wanted to have a day without the kids or when she could control them. 

One clear morning, kissed by the sun, Radha finally decided to keep a nanny to take care of these children. She thought the worst is over. She felt she could sleep now and see dreams again. The nanny (who can be friends, mentors, relatives, doctors, or a perfect stranger) started handling them well. Things are getting better for Radha.

Well, we all have a Radha around us, who is depressed and need to be helped. So please check around and try to be the nanny of her. Trust me; you will be proud of yourself for saving a life