Part 1: Pre-marriage anxiety
My marriage was a super shock for me. A rollercoaster of emotions that people would never believe in!
As a girl who hates responsibilities, cannot stay at home for long, doesn't really like cooking, and wakes up late and messes up the room, I was sure my marriage wouldn't last long. I have always been outspoken and straightforward, which doesn't go well in a joint family. Moreover, I knew that the feminist in me couldn't adjust to a patriarchial environment no matter how hard I try!
I'd always thought that being single for life would be the best for me because I didn't want any disturbance in my lifestyle or affect my freedom. I wasn't ready for the marriage and couldn't be prepared. I wasn't willing to leave my comfort zone, restrict myself, or compromise my career. Moreover, I have always been a giving person in my relationships, but some failed relations broke me terribly. Being a self-centered person who could never compromise, I knew I would get stuck and end up choking myself in turmoil called responsibility.
Well, not everything goes as per plan. Let me tell you how it went.
It was a lockdown, and we had to vacate the hostel. I was happy inside as I got non-vegetarian food at home, which I usually don't get in the hostel. I booked the tickets and went home happily. There was a different feeling this time. One of my friends texted me, "it seems like you are going forever; I feel you won't return to the hostel," and I kept thinking about his text. I reached there on 19th January, and by 24th January I was informed that I am getting married on 11th of next month. Literally after 15 days!!
Everyone was excited, and I had no option of backing off. I knew nothing about that man I was about to marry. I didn't even know his name correctly. I sometimes felt anxious, and it took me multiple days to console myself.
07-02-22. It was tilak day, and the wedding functions formally started. I could already feel changes in me, emotional, behavioral, and whatnot! It wasn't easy.
11-02-22. I hadn't slept for 4 consecutive days and hadn't eaten properly for long. I was nervous. It was a bunch of emotions I was feeling at the same time. In the evening, at 10 o'clock, when I walked down the aisle, I saw him for the first time. I was literally shivering when he asked for my hand while walking through the stairs (he was nervous too). Our very first eye contact happened on the stage itself. I saw him smiling, though I knew he had the same confusion and questions as mine.
I was looking at things with a constant thought that this was not what I wanted and not how I wanted, and he was not the one I wanted. I tried to run away but I couldn't! With every ritual, I felt like drowning and coming out, again and again, struggling for every breath. At a point, I got numb, it just went with the flow, and I couldn't do anything for myself.
So finally, the functions were completed, and we married (I slept in between the rituals). I had to go to his home and accept everything I was about to have. Damn! It was difficult. I felt like living my most haunted dream. I wanted to come out of it and breathe deeply. Anyway, I had to face everything with darkness all around. I saw everyone clapping and enjoying while I was shouting silently, and helplessly.
Well, generally, this type of thing ends up being a nightmare, but in my case, this was the beginning of a journey that ultimately came out to be very beautiful.
Part 2: Post-marriage changes
I entered this relationship most chaotically, with 100s of questions and 1000s of confusion. The very first hour at his home felt like sitting in a room full of people with a blank stare and not a single thought in head but hearing everything going on around and being too exhausted to respond to any of it or climb the staircase with no end or hating skin for no reason or what not!
After a few helpless stares, I asked him if he wanted to marry or if he was pressured. As he said he wasn't prepared too, I was relieved. I then had a series of questions, and the one doubt both of us constantly had was, can we make it to the end, or we will get separated soon? Well, after a week, we got our answers.
On the 10th day, I had to return to my hostel to complete my study. I thought I would be delighted to return to my everyday life, but that was not the case. This stranger, who happens to be my husband, made so much effort that I couldn't resist giving him a chance. He is sweet; he came out to be super caring, lovable, and understanding too. We gave it a try, and it worked. I had thought my marriage would take away everything I had. But on the contrary, it gave me everything I lacked!
It wasn't easy, but we tried to sort it out and promised to continue sorting...!
I love you, always, forever!
Beautifully expressed . Written simply yet very deep .
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Sir!
DeleteThis was such an interesting read! I can't imagine ever going through something like this, but I'm so glad to hear that it's working out for you and that the two of you came together! Thank you so much for sharing x
ReplyDeleteEveryone deserves to be happy and so do you. You have portrayed your emotions with utmost honesty.
DeleteThank you for stopping by!
DeleteA pathetic situation beautifully described in words.
ReplyDeleteAwesome
ReplyDeleteYou write so amazing๐๐คฉ๐
ReplyDeleteWorth reading! Beautiful pictures though❤️
ReplyDeleteEvery word have beuty, feel and deep sensation,, you expressed in very good manner
ReplyDeleteVery nicely expressed. God bless to both of u for all ur dreams. Best wishes
ReplyDeleteBeautifully expressed and I am proud to be your bua..my lovely child
ReplyDeleteI know very well it’s hard time for you and you express your emotions very beautifully.You are such an amazing writer.
ReplyDeleteHow well have you told your feelings in this blog ... beautiful di
ReplyDeleteDeep means in words, looks like mam phase her all emotion through words
ReplyDeleteSo amazing photos ๐๐
ReplyDeleteCongrats...lots of love and best wishes for 2nd innings.
ReplyDeleteYou always shine like stars...love u dii ๐
ReplyDeleteBeautifully expressed
ReplyDeleteCongrats...lots of love and best wishes ๐๐
ReplyDeleteWonderfully expressed the feeling with lot's of happiness, emotions and facing the new stage of life with forever one❣️
ReplyDeleteWow!!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully Expressed!
Beautifully expressed....๐ผ๐ผ
ReplyDeleteFLAWLESS EMOTIONS๐ญ best of luck for your future hope your bond last till eternity๐
ReplyDeleteBeautifully penned✨... And i wish that u both live this new life happily๐๐
ReplyDeleteBeautifully expressed ur pre-wedding and post-wedding happiness and emotion thoughts...stay happy n blessed ma'am and sir๐✨
ReplyDeleteWtf dude ur just insulting your husband get your shit together
ReplyDeleteSweet ๐ฅฐ
ReplyDeleteBest wishes ๐ฅฐ๐ฅฐ๐ฅฐ๐ฅฐ๐ฅฐ
ReplyDeleteYou write so amazing ๐๐๐ God bless to both of you for all Ur dreams,❣️❣️❣️❣️Best wishes
ReplyDeleteThis is so deep and very well Expressed. It gave me goosebumps throughout. I wish you all the best for your marriage life. ❤️
ReplyDeleteNice to read..! Very interesting blog.. ♥️๐ป
ReplyDeleteWow.... amazing..๐๐คฉ๐คฉ๐คฉ
ReplyDeleteAmazing๐ฅฐ
ReplyDeleteเค्เคฏा เคฎैं เคนिंเคฆी เคฎें เคฒिเค เคฆूं "เคฌเคนुเคค เคूเคฌ" เคฏा English เคฎें เคฒिเค เคฆू Superb เคตैเคธे เคिเคธी เคฎें เคญी เคฒिเคूं เคฌเคธ เคฏเคนी เคเคนूंเคा เคคुเคฎ เคिंเคฆเคी เคे เคธเคซเคฐ เคे 'เคเคจंเคฆ' เคो เคเค 'เค เคจเคฎोเคฒ' เคฆिเคถा เคी เคเคฐ เคฒे เคाเค।
ReplyDeleteIt was great to see that you were glad and happy at the end. I hope you guys will stay like this. Congratulations! I wish you an eternally happy and marvelous marriage. xx
DeleteWhile reading this, I did not even know when I started thinking of your thoughts. It was full of confusion. Congratulations and God bless you.๐๐๐
ReplyDeleteIt will be your next recognition towards your life. Happy married life to them.
ReplyDeleteEmotions and true feelings at that time can be easily understood by reading this article. So much well written and true to its roots. Fabulous work.
ReplyDeleteIt was great to see that you were glad and happy at the end. I hope you guys will stay like this. Congratulations! I wish you an eternally happy and marvelous marriage. xx
ReplyDeleteเคเค เคเคธे เคชเคข़เคจे เคे เคฌाเคฆ เคฆिเคฒ เคธे เคธिเคฐ्เคซ เคเค เคนी เคฌाเคค เคฌोเคฒ เคฐเคนा เคนू .... เคเคจ्เคฎों เคเคจ्เคฎों เคคเค เคคुเคฎ เคฆोเคจों เคी เคोเคก़ी เคธเคฒाเคฎเคค เคฐเคนे .... เคฏे เคोเคก़ी เคเคจे เคตाเคฒे เคเคฒ เคे เคฒिเค เคเค เคเคฆाเคนเคฐเคฃ เคे เคฐुเคช เคฎें เคाเคจा เคाเค ..... เคญเคตिเคท्เคฏ เคฎें เคฒोเค เคคुเคฎ เคฆोเคจों เคी เคोเคก़ी เคी เคเคฆाเคนเคฐเคฃ เคชेเคถ เคเคฐे เคฒोเคो เคे เคตैเคตाเคนिเค เคीเคตเคจ เคीเคจे เคी เคช्เคฐेเคฐเคฃा เคฆे เคฏे เคोเคก़ी ..... เคเค เคฌाเคฐ เคซ़िเคฐ เคธे เคธाเคฆी เคฎुเคฌाเคฐเค ๐๐๐๐❤️❤️❤️
ReplyDeletewhat a beautiful ceremony - many many years of happiness to you!
ReplyDeletecongratulations! Very exciting.
ReplyDeleteGreat
ReplyDeleteMam when i read this content ...literally my watery eyes said something going wrong with you...but u don't lose your hope of living of life ...you tried to fight with the situation silently.Hats off to you and God Bless this sweet couple๐
ReplyDeleteThis story really makes my eyes watery ..you are so courageous mam that you don't lose your hope and u fight with them silently..hats off to you.God Bless this sweet couple๐(Aakarsh)
ReplyDelete