A man’s insecurities and women’s low confidence always causes loss to society.

It might seem fierce, but I am going to dedicate this blog to several patriarchy rules, I have been questioning for long.

Why most of the men are insecure?

Around a couple of years ago, one of my friends told me she fell for her fellow mate, who was just like any other middle-class guy with a vision. That story was different because of their status difference. Middle-class men and rich girl- seems perfect fiction of a novel. Right? She approached, and eventually, it turned out to be a beautiful relationship. They started meeting and, spending a good time together. Both of them were batch toppers, and probably this is why that was the only couple everybody adored. After the end of the session, the girl told him that she would be going abroad for further studies, but this would not affect their bond. “I would love to continue what we had. We will tie a knot after I get a good job.” She added.

They tried managing everything well, but after some time, they end up separating. Do you know for what reason? After studies, she got a much-paid job almost triple to her man’s salary. He ended up the relationship by saying; she was habitual of living a luxurious life which he cannot afford. You are too high-maintenance for me, you are out of my reach, he sighed. And it was his fault for being so insecure and standoffish around a smart, talented, and loyal woman who could’ve made a fantastic life partner for him. His loss!

So that is the problem. A man is predicted to pay a girl’s bill or ditch her. They are expected to be more educated than his partner. Why can’t she simply contribute half of the amount? Why can’t she be more talented than him? Do you know how this expectation is damaging their mental stability, making them brutal? This is what makes them insecure.

We live in a society where men are expected to be intelligent, strong, earn well, and pay his girl’s shopping and restaurant bills. He is expected to be a superman who rescues people in problem, who should take leads and should never cry. Also, the one who completes the entire outdoor duties and should single out the majority of decisions. But what if a man moves out of the box? What if he is funny, not mature? What if he wants to learn Kathak, not boxing, and what if he is fond of cooking? He is often mocked and given shameful names.

Readers, you can tell me if I am putting the wrong questions.

Imagine a guy who loves helping his mother in household chores, who cries after getting hurt, who is not much strong physically, and sometimes relies on his girl to declare decisions. But will we accept him equally like a tall, muscular, decisive, protective man? Maybe not! That is because we have bordered the features for a man, in which he doesn’t fit well. He needs to change. Really! No, Not at all.

Why do women choose a jerk over a decent man?

Once I met a guy, who was rude, abusive, and uncivilized. I didn't like him at all, but unfortunately, there was no other vacant seat on the bus. Within half an hour he started abusing people loudly. When I asked him to behave he settled for a while. We had some conversation later. At the end of the journey, he was successful in convincing me that he was not bad at all. I may behave weird, but I am open, I may speak badly but I speak the truth. I don't cheat people with a mask, he added. 

When I reached home, I felt yes, he was right. People with soft tones and clean-faced often turn out to be cunning. At least he was not like them, he was straightforward and that is normal, he is a good guy. 

I shared this incident with my friend and what she replied was awaking. She told me that she dated him for this cause only. She liked his sassy, outspoken nature. She was convinced for the same reason for his beautiful heart and rude mouth. But later she came to know that he was a parasite who was feeding on her self-doubt. He made her understand that no smart guy can ever love her and she was not beautiful enough to date a civilized man. He interrupted all her contacts and made her realize she doesn't deserve better.

Many of us noticed man saying than women settle for jerks. Why do men sometimes curse women for not paying heed to so-called “perfect or decent man” Did you ever imagine why this happens?

Why a woman commits the one who insults her and shows himself smarter? She lives with the one who talks about her profession about which he barely knows. She allows man to overpower her and need him for her protection. We often see women working double and still craving for his attention and appreciation, sometimes sacrifices a lot, only to make him happy.

Let me tell you why; because she is not confident of herself. She feels this is the best man she deserved. She feels her opinion doesn’t matter much, and why would a good guy marry her? Take any attractive, sophisticated woman. You don’t see it, but she heads out judgment every single day. She deals with a hundred little paper cuts to her self-esteem and sense of intrinsic worth. Her character becomes the talk of the town.  She is often judged for her short skirt and traits. She is always prepared for being second, eat at last, and please her partner. This is where she fails! 

Probably she needs to wear extra layers of confidence, she needs to stop believing herself a victim. She should disagree if she feels so. Don’t we need to break this patriarchy system of our society which helps these jerks to rule over talented women than them?

Why can’t she pay the electricity bill and he cooks for her? Oh man, why do you need to be best at everything?, Can we respect a girl’s intelligence and education more than her looks?, Can’t we balance this equation of men and women? Can we break this stereotype? Are we the generation of change? Can we accept men, women, and eunuch just as humans? When will we break these stereotypes?

There are thousands of questions like this. Readers, if you have the answers, please let me know.

Mom’s magic- The ultimate place for strength and happiness

When I was a kid, my mother made some unseen boundaries for me. I had to take permission before going out; I had to eat nutritiously; I had to sleep before 10 pm, no chatting after 9 pm, and much more. I used to hate those rules like any other child.

As soon as I started growing up, I started breaking them. When I broke the very first rule, I was afraid but when I broke the second one I was not! When I broke the third rule, I was happy, and for fourth, I felt free and independent. After all, I was in the hostel, and my parents could not restrict me anymore.

I was on the sky-ninth. I had no boundaries; no worries; no more asking for permission. I enjoyed it for a year. Partying often, eating junks, misbehaving, and showing off became my everyday habit. I started losing people. Those who once loved me unconditionally started criticizing my personality. My ambitions were going to bins, and my hard work flew away somewhere else. Though this didn’t bother me much in starting, gradually I started hating myself for the same. Soon I was stepping towards doors of depression. What I received from that messy life was nothing but tears, loneliness, heartbreak, and so many of the sleepless nights. I became a teenager who unlocked independence on the cost of locking safety and happiness. I was alone, tired, wanting to be loved and cared.

I realized what I got after partying late was dark circles. The outcome of the relationship was heartbreak, being rude made me alone, and my poor marks mocked me for not studying properly. When I started getting these unwanted results, I started wanting mum more and more to console me and tell me it’s going to be alright. But how could she? I didn’t tell her anything. Once I said mom is far away to restrict me, later I felt why is she so far that I can’t hug her and cry?

Many times I tried confessing to her, but why can’t I speak my heart to her. Maybe because she is busy with the kitchen, office, papa, and my siblings or I know I did wrong. Or maybe, because I feel guilty of ignoring her pieces of advice every time.

Now, after all the sweet and sour experiences, I felt like going back to her boundaries to get relaxed and happy. I felt like telling her everything and say ‘I am sorry’ you were always right!

One evening, I gathered all of my strengths and called my mom; I told her everything that she deserved to know much earlier and guess what she said? She said,“ It’s going to be fine; I still love you” I cried as much as I wanted to and started fresh.

They loved me, they still love me.

There is a famous dialogue from the Kota factory, “your parent’s decision may be right or wrong but their intentions can never be wrong".Well, that is true in every sense, I can feel it now!

So people, what is your teenage experience? Did you hate parent’s boundaries in childhood? What do you think now? Tell me in your story in the comment section.